Digging For Motivation

It always starts out with fervor , then quickly fades away into a sense of obligation . that sense of obligation turns into lethargy and procrastination. Which has led to me being absent for a spell.

it is not that I don't want to share my insights . It is, I don't know, a lack of gratification? It is only natural to want your work to be noticed and meaningful . Unfortunately , I am rather jaded. You see, I have been in this realm for a while , now. At least in terms of "als time". in the 10 years since I was diagnosed , I have done my share of advocacy. to be honest , I have grown tired of it .

I guess cynical would be a better description . I may come off as a bit of an ass With what I am about to say. that's okay , but if you follow to the end , you will understand why.

I have grown tired of the myriad of faces who try to be "a difference maker" . I have grown tired of the little quips on social media . The videos . The blogs and vlogs. The search for causation or correlation . The years long advocacy for treatments that have yet to prove effective .

the shit gets old and repetitive. the old adage , same shit different day , is an understatement. here's my reason for such a Negative attitude . It is not that I don't think that people should express themselves in a manner that they deem helpful . It's not that I think it will not make a difference .

I think back to a phrase spoken by a very dear friend . Iykyk. She would say that this disease was a " turnstile of death". and this is why I am tired of it all . Every new face . Every new blog . Every new movement. It all means that we have not gotten any closer to a cure . it's one more person who will be a victim of this fucking disease . It is sad . I have seen far too many great people fall to this evil demon. It makes it so hard for me to get the "ganas" to put on a happy face and try to be positive when I know the fate of the majority of my audience.